How to Choose Your First Dildo

1What is a dildo, and how do you choose the right one?

A dildo is a non-vibrating insertable toy, usually moulded from solid silicone or shaped from glass or stainless steel. Knowing how to choose a dildo comes down to five decisions — size, material, firmness, shape and base type — and the first two matter far more than the other three.

Everything else is preference. Colour, whether it looks lifelike, whether the surface is smooth or textured: none of that affects comfort or hygiene. The five practical decisions do.

If this is your first toy of any kind, read Sex Toys for Beginners: The Complete UK Starter Guide alongside this page. That guide maps out the categories; this one goes deep on a single one.

One honest warning before anything else. Almost everyone buys too big the first time, and that is the most common reason a first toy ends up unused at the back of a drawer.

2What size should you start with?

Smaller than you think. For a first toy, an insertable length of roughly 10–12cm with a circumference of around 10–12cm suits most people comfortably, and you can always size up later once you know what you actually enjoy.

Product listings usually quote total length, which includes the base. Insertable length is the number that matters, and it is often 2–3cm shorter than the headline figure. Check both before you decide.

How do you measure girth without guessing?

Girth is circumference — the distance all the way around the widest point — not width. If a listing quotes diameter instead, multiply it by roughly 3.14 to get the circumference.

For a physical reference, a UK £1 coin is 23.4mm across and a 2p coin is 25.9mm. Holding a coin against a quoted diameter gives you a far more honest sense of scale than any product photograph will.

Does a lifelike shape change the size you need?

Slightly, yes. Sculpted designs carry their width unevenly, so a lifelike toy can feel wider than its quoted average suggests. Our guide to Realistic Dildos: What to Look For explains how sculpted detailing affects fit.

If you are still weighing up whether a first toy is right for you at all, our beginner-focused explainers cover the groundwork without assuming you already know the vocabulary.

What if it turns out to be too much?

Stop. Discomfort is information, not a challenge to overcome, and pressing on rarely improves anything.

If internal use is painful, persistently uncomfortable, or causes bleeding or soreness that lingers, speak to your GP or a sexual health clinic. That is a genuinely routine conversation for them, and it is a better first step than sizing up or assuming you are doing something wrong.

3Which material should you choose?

Solid, non-porous silicone is the right answer for most first-time buyers. It is the only common material that combines a little softness with a surface that can be cleaned completely.

Porosity is the whole argument. A non-porous surface can be washed and dried thoroughly. A porous one holds moisture in microscopic pores that no amount of scrubbing reaches, which is why softer blends have a shorter safe lifespan.

Material	Surface	How it feels	Lubricant	Best suited to
Solid silicone (what we stock for beginners)	Non-porous	Slight give, warms to body temperature, forgiving of an awkward angle	Water-based only	A first toy, and most people most of the time
Borosilicate glass	Non-porous	Completely rigid, very smooth, holds warmth or coolness from water	Any type	Firm pressure and temperature play
Stainless steel	Non-porous	Rigid and noticeably weighty	Any type	Experienced users who want weight and firmness
Unbranded jelly, TPE or PVC blends (generic alternative)	Porous	Very soft, often with a faint plastic smell	Water-based only	Not recommended — cannot be fully sanitised, degrades faster

Porosity is one of the first things we check on any sample, and How We Test and Choose the Products We Stock sets out the rest of that process in detail.

Should you patch-test a new material?

If you have sensitive skin or a history of contact reactions, hold the toy against your inner forearm for a few minutes and check for redness before any internal use.

It costs you five minutes and rules out the one variable you cannot judge from a listing. The same applies to any new lubricant you use with it. The material checks we run before we stock anything reduce the odds of a problem, but skin is individual.

4How do firmness and curve change the feel?

Firmness changes how much pressure a toy delivers, and curve changes where that pressure lands. Between them they affect comfort more than length ever does.

A softer toy compresses against the body and spreads pressure out. A rigid one transmits every bit of it. That is why two toys with identical dimensions can feel completely different.

What does firmness actually mean on a product page?

Firmness is measured on the Shore A durometer scale, the same industrial standard used to rate rubber hardness. Lower numbers are softer.

Most beginner-friendly silicone toys sit in the softer end of that range, often with a firmer inner core under a softer outer layer — a dual-density build. That construction gives you a surface with some give and enough internal structure to hold its shape, which is the most forgiving combination for a first toy. You can see how that shaping is executed in what to look for in a lifelike design.

Do you want a curve or a straight shaft?

A gentle curve suits most people; a pronounced one is a specialist choice. A curve concentrates contact on one side, which is either exactly what you want or exactly what you do not.

If you are not yet sure what you respond to, a straight or gently curved shape is the safer purchase. Broad external stimulation is a different sensation entirely, and How to Use a Wand Vibrator covers that side of things if you want to compare.

5What base should you look for, and do you need a suction cup?

Look for a base that is visibly wider than the widest part of the shaft. That flare is a safety feature, not a styling detail, and it is the one specification you should never compromise on.

A properly flared base physically stops a toy travelling further than intended. A tapered or narrow end on an unbranded novelty design does not, and retrieval in that situation means a trip to A&E rather than a home fix. If it ever does happen, go to A&E and do not attempt to remove it with anything else.

When is a suction cup genuinely useful?

When you want hands-free use, or when you would rather not hold a toy in position. A suction cup anchors it to a smooth, clean, non-porous surface — a tiled wall, the side of a bath, a sealed hard floor.

It will not hold on grouted tile lines, textured paint, wood grain or carpet. Wipe both the cup and the surface first, and press firmly for a couple of seconds. Suction cups also make a toy harness-compatible with most O-ring harnesses, which is worth knowing if you are shopping with a partner in mind. A Beginner’s Guide to Male Sex Toys is a useful companion read there.

Is a suction cup worth paying more for?

Usually, yes. It is one of the features that separates a basic first toy from a mid-range one, alongside better shaping and a more substantial flare — you can see that step up across The Best Sex Toys Under £50.

6How do you use a first dildo comfortably?

Slowly, with plenty of water-based lubricant and no target in mind. Comfort comes from time and lubrication far more than from technique.

Warm the toy under the tap first if it is glass or steel. Start with the tip only, pause, and let your body set the pace rather than working towards a length you decided on in advance.

Water-based lubricant is the standard pairing for silicone, because silicone-based formulas can react with a silicone surface over time and leave it tacky. Oil-based products are difficult to rinse away completely, and they are not compatible with latex.

Many people find that external stimulation first makes internal use considerably more comfortable — the approach described in using an external wand massager works well as a warm-up. Our wider starter guide to first toys covers pacing in more depth.

7How do you clean and store it?

Warm water and a mild, unscented soap before and after every use, then a thorough rinse and complete air drying. That is the whole routine for any non-porous toy.

Pay particular attention to the join between the shaft and the base, and to any sculpted ridges, where residue collects unseen. Seam quality is one of the things we look at closely — how we assess build quality and seams explains why a poorly finished seam is a hygiene issue as well as a comfort one.

Store silicone toys apart from one another. Two silicone surfaces pressed together for months can bond slightly and mark each other, which is a cosmetic problem rather than a safety one, but an avoidable one all the same.

Silicone toys are also boilable and dishwasher-safe on the top rack if they contain no electronics, which is worth knowing if a toy is shared between partners.

8Which one should you actually choose?

For a first toy: solid silicone, an insertable length of around 10–12cm, a soft to medium firmness, a gentle curve and a flared suction-cup base. That specification suits more people than any other combination we stock.

The product featured with this guide was selected against exactly those criteria, so if you would rather not weigh up every variable yourself, it is a sound place to begin.

If budget is the deciding factor, The Best First Sex Toys Under £30 covers what a smaller spend genuinely buys you, while mid-range picks under £50 tend to add the suction cup and dual-density shaping described above. Spending more buys refinement rather than safety — the material does the important work at every price.

Whatever you settle on, buy for the body you have today rather than the one in the photograph. You can always size up. You cannot un-buy something that sits unused.

Ready to compare specifications side by side? The full range lists insertable length, girth and base type on every product page, and you can browse everything we stock filtered by material. There are also more getting started guides if you would like to read a little further before deciding.

Frequently asked questions